a whilrwind of emotions just surged through my veins....
my love life is sooo not happening. and when i mean love life, i do not, i repeat, i DO NOT refer to sex. i'm simply referring to having someone there to lean on, to trust, to be yourself, plainly put to love. and that is something that is missing in my life. i'm not sure if it's gonna be something tat completes me but i know that i need it in my life to survive. which is why now i'm an absolutely wreck. i have no control over my emotions. i can't decide what i want. well i know what i want exactly but does he exist even? i mean, sure i wanna dream but i want it to come true at the same time. i don't just wanna dream about it. i wanna make something outta it. but how?? hmm..
everytime i see pictures of couples i know cuddling in each others' arms, i'm like... lost fer words.. all i could was wonder when will that be me. i used to do that. but not anymore. i can't find the rite person for it. why. and when i had a person, things had to go so wrong. why. and now i'm getting myself used. why. it's not prostitution nor am i having a one nite stand. just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. and me succumbin to satisfy my needs and desires. but then agn, is this the time to be doing that? is this worth doing even? oh how i wish i have someone to call mine that i won't have so much of a guilty conscience.
and rite now i can safely say i have absolutely zero man(men?) in my life. no one to love. no one to look at. no one to look forward to seeing. only to gorge my eyes out at caucasians hunks who pass by me but never give me a second look. only to cry my heart out.
why. why. why.
why is this happening to me.
why am i even questioning this when i know i'm never gonna get an answer.
is this the path to an even better future where i'll look back and say, eat your heart out! ?
or is this the beginning to a dark and lonely journey of singlehood.
why am i even thinking about this at 19 agn.
someone pls console me.